Zikr to hota hoga...

Kissi na kissi ki batoon me to mera ZIKR hota hai…
Who kehte hai na… Ek aksq hai… woh bhi kabhi rota hai… “
Woh mere aasu hai, Samandar ko namkeen banayee rakhe hai….
Ek dil ki tavyaf ne, Ghungaroo sajayee rakhe hai…
Meri kamayabi par use guroor aur naaz hoga…
Ek uski ghungaroo… meri aawag aur… Hamara Saaz hoga…
Meri is saaz ka dard kabhi belibaz aur befikr hota hai…
Sach kehta hu… Kissi na Kissi ki baton me mera Zikr hota hai…”


Till time mingles by at my end and u checkout the galore of the deserts curries n spices … this is Saurabh… Signing off from point of unfulfilled numb ambitions… Sayonara… n Saalam Namaste…



Regards,
Saurabh.K…. on Zikr to hota hoga…
+919890016967

I am blogging this to you to see how many actually read my blog. Your response will be interesting. Pay attention to what you read. After you have finished reading it, you will know the reason its here 4 you.
Here goes:
* People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone
is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk
away. ** **Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
 **Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you
laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a
season.!
**LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind
but friendship is clairvoyant.

***Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime... Keep loving keep blogging...**
...........................................................................................................................

Regards,
Saurabh. K
+919890016967

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.

The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives

Moral of the story:
Without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!

Inspiration Poem
I asked for Strength.........
And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom.........
And God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity.........
And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage.........
And God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love.........
And God gave me Troubled people to help.
I asked for Favors.........
And God gave me Opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted ........
I received everything I needed! Trust in God. Always !

Regards,
Saurabh.K
+919890016967
kapale.saurabh@gmail.com

Ek Jaam aur tera naam baki hai....

Banane ke liye to jaahan bhi bana leta hu..
Ek uski justaju hai jo...khud ko bhula deta hu...
Woh ayeegi nahi ... yakeen ho chala hai...
Ek aur mukaadar... is diye sa jala hai ..
Baas... khud par yakeen nahi hota...
Magar tanha ratoon me main nahi rota..
Raat ki haseen chandani .... dil ko jala deti hai ...
Kya kare... us zalim sanam ki yaad dila deti hai...
Duriya... nahi rahi... ab faasale baki hai ...
Ek madhosh saaki aur thoda jaam baki hai... Saurabh
--------------------------------------------------------------
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Before I left for office I heard a song by group Jal... “Aadat si hai mujhko aise jine me“.....I was humming the same song while I reached the office. From parking slot to lift to my cube, the song was lingering within….I was in my cube boggling with the same song.. I don’t know when my humm!, became loud enough that …. I was lost in the song and my voice level fought the sound of swirling-timka :: Ceiling Fan” to be heard by my co-mates… I was repeating the same song again and again within myself… For me it was just I was humming… but never noticed I got louder and more audible… One of my colleague tapped my shoulder saying… “Firyadi Singer! Jago…Boss has called for meeting”..
Before the “Meating - Meeting - Meat Eating” could have just started.. The tunes got out of mind…when I heard that I have to address the meet with presentation… I was given 30 minutes time for preparation on the Software Evalution… A sudden chill went through my spine…I was just told that the presentation should impress the stupid “Gora” American… Management lobby, Foreign Delegates and other team mates in the project….
Huh… I took a deep breathe… And started moving around like the mice which heralds the cheese … 30 minutes time… It was like a big clock crowned on my head ticking 100 times in a second… What I first did was to check my mails… Gosh … to my surprise I found you short n sweet mail in the mailbox… Yah it was almost a power pack battery for me… Ideas started pouring … presentation was made with ease…. And the stage was set…
I entered the lobby to find all people staring at me…
Huh I spooked the boss by showing the thumbs up… He reflected back with a smug…
Till time I was supposed to see the clients and GORA… but there where none… I stood under the timid 60W focus in the lounge near the big 70cm screen for my presentation… I was searching GORA in the entire auditorium but couldn’t find any…. To conclude on my search… I went to boss asking abt the clients… And ooppss… I almost swallowed my own tongue…
Boss replied…“ The client felt very bad about our company but listening to your stupid songs in the cube… they decided not work with us… and they left….” He stood and started walking towards me… “Saying we lost a client because of you…”
I was taken aback… I felt like someone gifted me Baby Diapers to soak my tears…A tear silently rolled down… My boss was just besides me…. He tapped my shoulder and said “Sing now…” he shook me again and said “ Sing now…” Another tear rolled down… I was about to explode in tears … before my cube mates started encouraging me… “Sing Sauri Sing…”

I was confused like the Dolphin which come out of the water to get some air… but that fears the death…

Boss told me …. Shaking piously… there is no client today …. And there was no planned client to be here… Its just that we all wanted to listen your song…. Everybody liked the way u were humming loudly…. So Saurabh the stage is set… Sing…. “
Saying this… I felt like someone took away 30 kg of my teddy-bear like built….
He handed me over the collar mike saying you cant leave without singing… else u are fired… The entire Auditorium was full of faces looking at me… I just wiped my tears and started singing…. “ Juda hoke bhi… tu mujhme kahi baaki hai”….. Wow… I was feeling like I am at the Opera house and I own it… My cube-mates started clapping and singing chorus… I didn’t dare to open my eyes… I finished the song with few more tears…not realizing that I was not in bathroom… and the entire bench of Auditorium gave me a standing ovation… The welcome flower which were supposedly brought for the Stupid Gora… was given to another stupid Black Bhalu… that’s “ME”….

Days… I love this day for years… my first singing performance on stage after I left singing almost 5 years back… And I was still burning with pyre resonance of the wordings….
From a frightful guilty tear – to emotionalist -- to happy tears.. I had all in 15 minutes time…
And that whats make me … feel “I lived and died… But still I survived…

Night ended with some confirm stale news abt Asmi from Hyderbad friends… And then I realized… I was reborn to die a new death…. But still I have to wake tomorrow and attend the problem of all those people who listened to me, my song and my feeling… Never-the-less… Myself also… I am still in “Rubaroo with Life”…Though the love never visits my lane… but… Still I don’t die… I am “Mrutunjay : the unending start”


For the time we spark again in the dark…Saalam Namaste....

Reagrds,
Saurabh
9890016967

“I prefer walking in rains, so that nobody see me crying”



=====================================================================

Its always nice to see your comment in my earlier blog !!!!
I m so so tired with being “Saurabh”, ! huh !,

Everybody kept askimg me abt celebrations when my sweetheart returned to her place back in Nagpur for few days break during Sankranti(Pongal)..Good question regarding the celebrations….but it must not be Celebration it must b Calibrations…
Friends, what should i say....
Our Calibration aren’t matching lol… Both systems (Myself and Her's) are from different world… So nothing remains to be told abt…what remains are debris of “ME… vs….. Myself”….

Characters in this blog:
> My Sweetheart names "ASMI"
> My common friend : Ketaki
> ASMI's New Friend @HCU, Hyderabad : Makrand
> Another Common Friend : Rakshal
> ME,Writter : Saurabh

Abt the visit….
The story is abt ASMI's arrival and departure last week...
Time was not less … but We failed to generate new conversations… I respected her because I always thought that she made her own copyrights in terms of decision …Earlier I thought she can only dance to her tune of life…But I was wrong…. She has many influences…

Day 1:
ASMI arrived in Nagpur at Dusty morning office time…. I didn’t go to the station as ahe had already instructed not to come. I saw the train passing by. I was excited with the theme of next few days… I finished my work early, and was waiting for her presence being declared to the kingdom of my own… Waited and waited… and waited… I don’t know friends, u ever been in love/respect/admiration/crush-in-friend sort of relation or not but I guess you can feel the wait … The life seemed colorful… But suddenly the colors started drooling… Waited and waited and waited for her phone…with no signs of any feedback… I consoled my self by arguing… “ Family is the priority and should be always… “…. Again a muted wait began… was waiting till 5 o clock… couldn’t resist calling her elder cousin sisy, (Niyaati Di :- Now a good friend of mine)…And all what I enquired was where is ASMI… Even she reacted sternly… saying… now I will only contact for her…as I have almost forgotten her…
I asked Niyati DiDi to let me know what was ASMI doing…?
ASMI was downstairs in her house ( Niyati Di stayed above )…She was busy with a good family time… After hearing that even I started cursing myself for being so impatient…
The silence broke.. I went back to stupid software lab for work… I got a call while I was on the way… from ASMI's mom number stored with name of Emergency ASMI… I was scared a minute but then saw the details to realize that it was ASMI using the cell...
I called back… and Gosh! … I was so happy to hear a soft voice from her side…
"HI !.... “kashi ahes… Me thik tu sang… Kai karte ahes…??? Kiiti vaat pahayache tujya fone chi… “(How are U, I am fine, u tell , what are u doing, I waited for so long for ur phone..)"

In in ur simplest guess, can tell that she was washing her clothes… Silly girl… sounded so innocent… I love this tone of hers… She said will call u once she is free in the evening…

Again a new wait began… I decided to make something hot n spicy in case she wants to meet me… Went on to the market got some lots of paneer and made nice paneer tikka… But as always I was waiting for some call or intimation… I gave up the hope once it started rainng…Paneer tikka was enjoyed by my neighbors… Then again …. Consoled my self saying…. Raining heavily, Great Atmoshpere, only daughter visit home from long distance… must be a great family time… So didn’t peep in with phone call… Day’s turns to night….and sleep happy … I must always wish…


Day 1 ends….
Day 2 Begins:

Well nothing holla and happening towards the beginning of day 2…. This time the wait wasn’t so much exciting about… Finally got a call…at 12, saying that she is leaving for her dad’s distant office for puja… I said Ah ok… have a nice family time and suggested her some tips abt the other plans which she can addin to her rare family moments…she turned by at 2:30 asking me to meet… I was too at my aunt’s place for lunch…. I rushed back home in a spree, huh… Friends kehte hai na… Cell phone hai par talktime nahi…., almost the same happened with me… I was struck in rally of religious people…Some how managed to take a long route to reach home by almost 30 minutes late…She was supposed to visit my place…and Mom already started the preparations/celebrations….the sofa covers wer changed and the floor matting was put in in flash of time… with a sudden change in plan dropped inn… Ketaki, a good friend of ASMI called me… and plan changed to movie…with new INOX multiplex opening the City…

The damsel in distress with her friend Ketaki reached my place…She was looking so sweet in pink salwars…. I wish I could pull her baby cheeks…. (day dream which has stayed with me for years now)…. But… abode isn’t that liberal to my fortune…. Leave the concept… We huskily decided to go for movie…that too it was a forced decision I guess on her part…After taking a long drive we reached in the place…The movie was “Woh Lamhe”.
I am of the belief that …. Great movies are made great by good friends joining the movie…So the movie was great story of Bhatt Production House…with loads of flesh and scarcity of clothes(I guess they are strong followers of Mahatama Gandhi)...But still I was not much interested in movie… my true time dream was just besides me cherishing the movie… I felt so happy, almost like a king with his flourished kingdom without any threats of war…Towards the latter part of movie she was feeling the chill of the AC…. But I couldn’t contact the manager for it… or rather I was selfish…It was almost like the first visit to hyderabad… same pink dress… same chilly atmosphere…I was lost on it… Movie ended on a sad note, as most of hindi movies do... the lead actress died and tthere wer tears all over the screen1 of INOX... From parking slot to petrol pump we left...
On the way back she declared that she is leaving on 3rd itself… and not on 5th…. So the dinner prospects were preponned…and was taken on the way…. We three had a not-so-tasty Sizzlers…(tandori sizzler and mixed grill)we signed off…I followed her way back to her place… Her father was waiting at the door…. I almost swallowed my confidence, seeing the Elder Lion at the gates… I passed with speed…. He did notice me… and as a result ASMI got a strange look from her dad….( It must been a great situation… a tiger baby@ Asmi looking in his fathers eyes in sharp darkness.. Gosh filmy very filmy…)

Day 2 ends here… I went back… to my borrows.. and the lioness to her den…



Day 3 Begins…

Pongal… Celebration…

What I did since morning was nothing other than taking brush, flush, and shower… eating all foodstuffs made by mom… and waiting…. Waited the entire day for a single call… but couldn’t do much… her landline wasn’t working…. I miss-calld her n times… a final call back-miss-call came at around 5 pm in the evening… I enquired if she would be able to visit my garibkhana…she said she will try as the roads wer too much crowded due to lakhs of people visitng the “ Dekhshabhoomi”… I decided to make the visit special… I made her fav. Panipuri and last promised fruit salad… but the time ends in disappointment… and the fruit salad was also given to visiting guest and neighbours too( No wonder why my thin slim neighbour didi gave birth to 10 pound baby)…. No calls no messages… Life is so happening na…. I am happy abt it… for nothing…

Day 4 Begins…
Day of Retreat…

After yen-number of call attempts … I was pleased to her her voice again… I asked her to visit my place, as the pani-puri was still there…she said she had lots of work… and would hardly able to manage sometime.. As she had to do some packing and shopping too… She did come.. With the CD (Fresher and sideseeing featuring ASMI)… OOps I must not call it “CD”.. its copyrighted “CD”… exclusive by Makrand”… ok Compact Disc is a proper term…The CD has many pics of my sweetu ASMI….looking saccharine cute….
For moments I felt that was the life… I lived for…. I asked whether I can copy those pics… she said a severe stringent … NO… the pics belong to MAKRAND…. They are copyrighted…” I was almost shocked hearing this… I better controlled myself and a tear almost popped out…”

But this time… I made a reaction…rather harsh reaction…. I took the Compact Disc of the PC and handed it over to her…. Faces dropped… I felt as if someone slapped me for saving his life… ) still life has to move on.. so did I…. But friends…tell me one thing…

Makrand… she knows her since last 2 years….
Saurabh ….7 years Still a stranger… (…. Rocking concept na…..)

I went in serving panipuri…and Made a Chocolate Fudge Ice-cream, but the moment I was abt to serve… She came to kitchen saying she has to leave.. and cant eat the ice-cream…I spent my entire morning time making icecream of pure creame milk it… and she just took a spoon and tasted it… that too when she saw my face down… I said Bye bye….

I begged her for a final bye bye at the stations… but she denied…
I felt like someone took away my soul… I pleaded the only friend of hers … Ms. Ketaki… to join me for the station… she denied.. I pegged… She denied…I begged…. I somehow convinced her… We went to station… her uncle …. Niyati di’s dad was there… He is a great man too… Sr. Tiger of Asmi's Dynasty…with friendly nature… It was for the second time.. I had a coffee with him…. First time at his place and now at Station café… as the train was late…

Time of departure came… I was feeling tired… We went to the platform… the train came… the boggie was misplaced… SE1 was S14…. We trembled across the station for nothing… Jisko jana tha woh chali gayee….

I was feeling very emotional inside… and fearing some water drop from eyes…… So I asked Ketaki to say a bye bye before the train left… we left even before the train started… Droped her friend on the way…. Thanked her for her help…. Then free those droplets this time from eyes…

I felt someone broke the dam… I built it with my own efforts… But that wont stop from sun rising…Morning won’t stop….Sun will rise again… The Dawn will turn to dusk…. But What never changed was me… and myself……

Well I am working on it… I promised my Mom and Dad that I will only call back if asmi calls me… else I wont… Difficult to control…. So I better speak out…in blog…


Don’t sympathizes with me… I need a push and not sympathy….
And pray that this doesnt happen with you..
So push me up with ur blessing… And ask God to forgive me…

I feel guilty ….
For competing unnecessarily with Makrand…
For expecting too much from ASMI…
For stressing you friends too much reading long mails…

I must conclude from the test of life… I have to write 2 more essays for XAT test …..

(But ah! it took me days to realize that I wasn’t standardized to this world…in her terms……… “Copyrighted”….it means so much…kya kare… Pirated Software ki adaat thi…)

Goodbye my lover… goodbye my friend…
She was the one for me…
She make me feel hollow to remember… …
And she will come this December…

But for masochist and true souls to live…
I must not stop to give…
For world I would succeded in exams….
For one I failed… throughtout…. I my chasms….
On one evening, I heard news very shocking
And I was completely shattered.
When the news was uttered,
Because of that I tried a lot
But a result was nil which I got.
The efforts which I made were all in vain,
And she gave me a chance to try again.
I will surely try, but it was clear
That one again I was a failure.
I failed though I wasn’t a cheat
But I agree it was my great DEFEAT……


... The GOODBYE MY LOVER ENDS....

REGARDS,
Saurabh.k
+919890016967


... Bits of me...

This blog is all about my non existent experience with reality..... A story which describes half way the craziest of thoughts i ever had to get her back in my life....I traveled a long way from Nagpur to Hyderabad a totally unknown city....
The person i refer in this blog is my imaginary lost love.... I went on and on...

Characters :
I: Saurabh.K ( Writer from Nagpur, bekar software engineer)
SHE : My Imaginary lost Love( from Nagpur now in HCU, Hyderabad doing MSc)
Makrand : her new friend on the HCU campus
Rakshal: Her friend, and good partner in crime at HCU... now my good friend too..

The story at page 3 starts :

I went there… not exactly at 12 am… but I was there at 11:30 pm…with big cake… roses.. And a cute birthday soft-toy… (Sounds stupid na)...

Day 1
I happen to reach Hyderabad by 4 pm on 22nd …… Went for PI @ Dell Computers…(Madhpur)was shortlisted for next round….tried to call her but the cell was unreachable… completed my formalities with them by 8:30… took an auto back to the Secretariat (hotel room)… still the cell was not reachable… I guess she was in lab… I left a SMS that call me once u get the message…

She switched on her cell @ 10 PM…She got the SMS and called back…

The cake was already with me… went so Habis to get some red roses… I had already carried a cute birthday tycoon girl (soft toy), took an Auto to HCU… reached there by 11:15….fortunately one of the HCU guys met me at a distance from gate… So the security guard didn’t stop the auto…. And unexpected reached the shopping complex…. Called her from there… she said to wait … The sweetest cutest girl came with her cycle….Wished her with a handshake… and gave the cake…You know what….she dropped the cake box….the best of pineapple mellow got rattled against the walls of the box…Rahul joined us after 2-3 minutes…

Gave her the cake roses and toy…had some cake…and I left early since I had already booked the Autowalla to take me back to hotel….

Day 1 ends…
It was decided that once I finish with Dell we will go out for lunch and will be with me till 7 pm…

Day 2 ::

Day 2 ::: Morning went in the Dell…. Didn’t get selected a…( Telgu and Tamil people are sick…the GD topic given was a controversial telgu Movie…” Endrum Ghanbi @#!!@ , I even couldn’t read it… so wasn’t able to speak much….) I realized no further process… and as expected was not selected…Came back to room…

Called her,,, she said she will drop in at 12:30

She came then….we went for Lunch.. the elegant calm ambience on the third floor of Motel…my sweetu dressed in Peacock blue with those cute eyes… I felt like heaven… but soon realized that I am on earth….NAN roti was too thick clinch with butter……I think Chicken, we ordered was a fashion gaga model with SLIM n CARE products in her lifetime so was on diet before it got hunted and spiced to my plate…. She was all the time kept talking abt….. “Makrand”…I wish I was “Makrand”…. I felt like a dumb dog, who cant bark, still caught by police for shouting at nights…

What da luck… traveled 550 km to hear abt Makrand and his adventures… I was so jealous…the hotel chef put a Pappad on my heart… and he too got it roasted… Life winks…

I didn’t propose either…

U know what she said when I went back to some nearby station to drop her….. “ Saurabh…. U know!!!! (Taking a big pause…. I almost missed many heartbeats)… It didn’t feel like it was my birthday….. Something’s missing“”…Hearing this I felt like seeing Matrix Triology : in Kannada n telgu thrice….….. What was missing …. ??? Any guesses…

Abt Makarand, I know he is quite a descent guy… and a cool headed too….and her's only friend there….after Ragani left for pune…

Still knowing this…. The mind keeps boogling… At times it feels like I am dumbo with loads of stupid hope… and that too to get something I prayed, asked n begged God for years….

Either there is no God ( people say it does exist) … or I am DUMBO BOXING BAG, which is never given a KNOCK OUT punch……

I came back to Nagpur with no hope... was down and out...
Lost in the interview lost the girl.....

Ahh! Alas ! Then suddenly I become too sarcastic to bother… but then think that she is still ssoooooo sweeeet….looking at her photos besides my table… she still looking at me through that glass photo frame…So sprits keep going… and with some like you reflecting back… makes me happy…. And I will still b hopeful…. for my sweetu to retreat and never return from my enigma….

Pieces of me…... Still linger to live....
Reason of him... she prefers to give....
I wont die... I wont cry...
I will b what I wanted to be....

Regards,
Saurabh
+919890016967

I know where on earth, happiness stays…
When life smile in and waits for silk to wind…
And I know she stays inside me n my minds….
Its an illusion and true to syllable of care…
And I seldom…Everyone love.. I dare…
Entrapment of hearts is for cure….
Smile and innocence are all so pure….
Memories of charm in an unleashed heart…
I don’t know its end but where I should start….

Love is a start where we find no end to liking and being liked.... Its at times quite scarcastic to know the death of love in other heart.... but.... friends... Life is to start....

My heart smiles freely
With the thought of your grace
A slight buzz seems to come over me
And I know I'm in the right place

The place with out limits
Or boundaries that are set
The place where my world fits
With out an ounce of regret

The place laughter can be heard
And happiness is felt
The place where love is more than a word
And my heart begins to melt

The place where I'm free to be happy
To do as I in enigma of thy stay
Make me fall in love with you
Then the worlds so fresh and everything new…

The place to explore
With so much to take in
A life I can't wait to endure
A life I can't wait to begin

It's the place I want to belong
It's the place I always want to be
It's the place in my heart that's full of song
It's that place just for you and me I live on and love still for days…


Moments ...... I stayed trappped forever....