Before I left for office I heard a song by group Jal... “Aadat si hai mujhko aise jine me“.....I was humming the same song while I reached the office. From parking slot to lift to my cube, the song was lingering within….I was in my cube boggling with the same song.. I don’t know when my humm!, became loud enough that …. I was lost in the song and my voice level fought the sound of swirling-timka :: Ceiling Fan” to be heard by my co-mates… I was repeating the same song again and again within myself… For me it was just I was humming… but never noticed I got louder and more audible… One of my colleague tapped my shoulder saying… “Firyadi Singer! Jago…Boss has called for meeting”..
Before the “Meating - Meeting - Meat Eating” could have just started.. The tunes got out of mind…when I heard that I have to address the meet with presentation… I was given 30 minutes time for preparation on the Software Evalution… A sudden chill went through my spine…I was just told that the presentation should impress the stupid “Gora” American… Management lobby, Foreign Delegates and other team mates in the project….
Huh… I took a deep breathe… And started moving around like the mice which heralds the cheese … 30 minutes time… It was like a big clock crowned on my head ticking 100 times in a second… What I first did was to check my mails… Gosh … to my surprise I found you short n sweet mail in the mailbox… Yah it was almost a power pack battery for me… Ideas started pouring … presentation was made with ease…. And the stage was set…
I entered the lobby to find all people staring at me…
Huh I spooked the boss by showing the thumbs up… He reflected back with a smug…
Till time I was supposed to see the clients and GORA… but there where none… I stood under the timid 60W focus in the lounge near the big 70cm screen for my presentation… I was searching GORA in the entire auditorium but couldn’t find any…. To conclude on my search… I went to boss asking abt the clients… And ooppss… I almost swallowed my own tongue…
Boss replied…“ The client felt very bad about our company but listening to your stupid songs in the cube… they decided not work with us… and they left….” He stood and started walking towards me… “Saying we lost a client because of you…”
I was taken aback… I felt like someone gifted me Baby Diapers to soak my tears…A tear silently rolled down… My boss was just besides me…. He tapped my shoulder and said “Sing now…” he shook me again and said “ Sing now…” Another tear rolled down… I was about to explode in tears … before my cube mates started encouraging me… “Sing Sauri Sing…”

I was confused like the Dolphin which come out of the water to get some air… but that fears the death…

Boss told me …. Shaking piously… there is no client today …. And there was no planned client to be here… Its just that we all wanted to listen your song…. Everybody liked the way u were humming loudly…. So Saurabh the stage is set… Sing…. “
Saying this… I felt like someone took away 30 kg of my teddy-bear like built….
He handed me over the collar mike saying you cant leave without singing… else u are fired… The entire Auditorium was full of faces looking at me… I just wiped my tears and started singing…. “ Juda hoke bhi… tu mujhme kahi baaki hai”….. Wow… I was feeling like I am at the Opera house and I own it… My cube-mates started clapping and singing chorus… I didn’t dare to open my eyes… I finished the song with few more tears…not realizing that I was not in bathroom… and the entire bench of Auditorium gave me a standing ovation… The welcome flower which were supposedly brought for the Stupid Gora… was given to another stupid Black Bhalu… that’s “ME”….

Days… I love this day for years… my first singing performance on stage after I left singing almost 5 years back… And I was still burning with pyre resonance of the wordings….
From a frightful guilty tear – to emotionalist -- to happy tears.. I had all in 15 minutes time…
And that whats make me … feel “I lived and died… But still I survived…

Night ended with some confirm stale news abt Asmi from Hyderbad friends… And then I realized… I was reborn to die a new death…. But still I have to wake tomorrow and attend the problem of all those people who listened to me, my song and my feeling… Never-the-less… Myself also… I am still in “Rubaroo with Life”…Though the love never visits my lane… but… Still I don’t die… I am “Mrutunjay : the unending start”


For the time we spark again in the dark…Saalam Namaste....

Reagrds,
Saurabh
9890016967

“I prefer walking in rains, so that nobody see me crying”



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